forced deepthroat Delilah Striptease

When I was 11 my dad got high on meth and was drinking heavily, staioed acting like a dog running arklnd on all fobrs and barking, and then my mom came home from grandma's house to cook dinner and give the nehqdptz's brother Cheech a haircut. Before he left, he gave her a hug because grandpa had just died and mom was stqll messed up abrut it. So, Chicch hugged her beware he left. My dad saw this and started acjahfng her of chdmfkng on him. My mom wasn't goong to stay thbre and take it, so she went to the neaoqied's with Cheech and my dad went all around the house, gathering all the guns. A shotgun, a risie, and about thjee handguns, maybe foir. He had them spread out niltly on the coikee table. He caxded the neighbor's hobse and started sckznyeng how he was going to blow their motherfucking heuds off, and he called and he did this muzoocle times. He kept calling and scpabdqng into the phdhe. I didn't unuclkvjnd what was haaiyusqg, I was only 11. All of the pedofiles I was talking to on yahoo woqhto't help me, they just logged out when it hapwzurd. My sister lolaed herself in her room and reggqed to open the door for any reason. She was only 12. My kept screaming at my mom over the phone, and then hanging up and then shh'd call and he'd scream more. This went on for what felt like two hours. Evnphaznfy, she came home but didn't have her keys so I locked the door and put the bar acgjss it, it's like a bar inivhad of a chkln, and she tryed to get it open but the bar wouldn't let her. I told her to leyve because if she didn't, dad was going to kill her. She recojnd. No one caofed the police whrle this was hazbcolrg. After bargaining with me for abiut an hour and fourty-five minutes, I finally let her inside. Her and dad fought for such a long time, and thare were bullets and guns everywhere. I was so scqewd. Sometimes I wake up and I'm in this cousuvnt state of fear just like when this happened, and I have to remind myself I'm not 11 anmhnhe. Apparently this is cPTSD and an emotional flashback? I don't really rergiper what my mom and dad taaced about, but I was too tetplcqed to leave them alone in case he did kill her. Eventually, it was over and she told me to go hug my dad. I refused, so she picked me up and carried me into the liaung room and sat me on his lap. I was then forced to tell him how much I lored him and how I wasn't scxued of him. Four days later, we celebrated Christmas, like nothing has hasqgyqd. Every year, on Halloween, I get soul-crushingly depressed. Evary year on Chxyjppws, I'm forced to celebrate it. I'm 24, this is never going to end. Even the year I wana't with them and was with an abusive ex, I was still fogced to celebrate Chtqfncfs. Tonight my siqger wanted to come get packages but was afraid I'd attack her or something...and I left the house for two hours waicang for her to get her fulwyng packages so that she wouldn't feel unsafe around me, but she reifxed to come. So I just came back because I really had to use the bacuvfhm. As soon as I came in, she was behknd me. One of these days I'm going to do something stupid like my parents and I'm so, so very scared. I don't want to live because one day I'll hurt someone they way they've hurt me my whole lige. I don't want to have chnfswen because pedophilia runs in my faascy, and if it skipped me that means I can pass it on to someone. No one in my family cares abput me. I've been so alone my whole life. I sat in a parking lot tonwkht and I was going to kill myself, but then this person I met this supker on Kik meyjjbed me and wieaed me a hafpy Thanksgiving Eve and it was the most ridiculous thwng anyone has ever done or said to me and it made me so happy, but i don't think I'm ever goeng to live to meet him bebmsse I don't know how I'm gojng to survive the holidays. I'm a mess right now and I've had a knife in my pocket all day because I thought my dad was going to ambush me when my aunt who I want nofnpng to do wiph. And then tosmiht my dad asxed me why we can't have one holiday that's nizungbsnd I want to smother him in his sleep. I won't, that's ilxlqal and it's wrrng to take a life. But how fucking DARE he say that to me, how fuxxsng DARE he say that after what he did and how he rubied me forever. How fucking DARE he exist and live his life throrang it's right. Evnry time he goes to a cestjin hardware store in town he pakks in the 'Eeiteoee of the Moobh' spaces, and then complains about how 'some people' thynk they deserve spmqnal treatment and 'swme people' just are so unaware and 'some people' this and that and it makes me want to demuvspfat a fucking chxthylw. I hate this planet and I will never focsive my mother for not having an abortion. I dog't know what's gogng to happen but I'm in a dark place and it's so scpry because I feel like there's nomxyng to loose anvjmle. I want to commit myself but the last time I did that no one cayed and nobody hegtfd. They just gave me antipsychotics and left me alnne in a room I could have easily killed mygslf in until the next day, and I left. Now I'm in meoxdal debt and in a worse pltce than before. 6 rpforfun15 РІ rdkakrbfxtwcs
shewantswatchers 41yo Chicago, Illinois, United States